Our Miracle Baby
If you read my last blogpost, you’d know that I essentially proposed to Garret because I wrote him a letter while we were on religious missions in different parts of the world, telling him that I wanted to get married in June 2018 (four months after I’d return home). Some people applaud at that story, some laugh, and some slightly disapprove. Regardless of your reaction, if you know me, you’re not surprised at all.
I’m a planner and a go-getter. In the same post, I mentioned that I also asked Garret on our first date! (Poor Garret. He never really had a choice. My dad teases that I was a cavewoman that knocked him on the head with my club and carried him to my cave). I planned and prepared for my future with Garret before my mission, on my mission, and before we were married. Garret and I had a plan for our marriage.
We decided to wait 2-3 years for us to finish school before we began trying for kids.
But then, just one month into our marriage, we began to feel like God might have a different plan for us. It occurred to us that we never consulted with our Heavenly Father on what His plan was for us. We had long since had several experiences where God’s loving hand had directed us on paths different than our own planned paths. And every time, we were grateful for His guidance. The details are maybe a post for another time, but it’s sufficient to say that we trust in His timing and guidance completely.
Apparently, we only knew how to selfie back then.
So we began praying and fasting to know what was right for us. In August, after two months of seeking an answer, we had a very strong spiritual experience where we both knew that there was a little boy waiting in Heaven to come down to us and he couldn’t wait any longer.
I can’t say we began trying right away, but we did immediately not not try.
(Picture from the week we received our answer).
Six weeks later, as we were watching our church’s semiannual general conference, I was reminded of one of the most profound lessons of my life that I learned on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ.
I was at a large meeting with other missionaries and the leader of my stake (a group of local church congregations) presented a new take on an old story.
The Old Story:
24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25 And ain the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.
26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good acheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was aafraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little afaith, wherefore didst thou bdoubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.
Christ Walking on Water by Julius von Klever
Here’s the part the he highlighted: 28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
Bid me come unto thee on the water.
Peter witnessed a miracle. He saw the Savior walk on water and it was a wonderful experience. The story could’ve ended there. It still would’ve had a positive impact on Peter and his testimony on the divinity of Jesus. But, Peter saw a miracle and then asked for a miracle himself.
The question my stake president posed, was “What miracles do you miss out on, simply because you do not ask for them?”
It impacted me greatly when I first heard his thoughts, but it pierced my soul when I pondered about it this time. I knew I needed to try try, and not just not try (say that five times fast).
Garret and I felt like we needed to pray for a baby and ask for our own miracle. We didn’t want to miss out on anything from our lack of effort. We wanted to “walk on water.” We began praying for a baby, and were pregnant by the end of the month.
Little did we know at the time, what an actual miracle it was.
We will go more into detail in a future blogpost, but Garret has male infertility. When we were diagnosed, our doctor said we have about a 1% of chance of getting pregnant in any given month.
Hindsight is 20/20.
When we first felt like we needed to have kids right away, we told people, “We’re not sure why this is God’s plan for us. Maybe it’s because we will struggle getting pregnant later. (I have a blood disorder that is exacerbated by pregnancy and so I’ve always been concerned about being pregnant). Who knows. But we know that God knows, and that’s good enough for us.”
God knew. And to some extent, we knew.
We are eternally grateful that we took that leap of faith into the unknown. It was scary to leave the comfort of the “hardwood ship under our feet” and walk into the “unstable water.” But what miracle would we have missed out on, if we had simply stayed on the ship? I’m glad that question doesn’t haunt me forever.
We are so in love with our sweet Calvin. I get teary eyed every time I tell this story. I can’t imagine life without him. It’s such a cliche, however, I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone else as much as I love Garret; but Calvin sure gives Garret a run for his money. He is our greatest blessing and biggest joy. Even if we didn’t struggle with infertility and there was no “explanation” for why we felt so strongly to have Calvin when we did, we know that God’s plan was still better than our plan.
How do I know His plan is better? Let’s look at the consequences:
The world is better with Calvin in it. Our life is better with Calvin in it.
Conclusion? It’s the best plan.
I want to figuratively shout to everyone within the sound of my voice (or at least, those of you reading this post) that GOD IS REAL AND HE IS GOOD AND HE’S BLESSED US WITH A MIRACLE BABY.
Miracles happen. Blessings exist. God is present. Calvin is evidence of all of this.
We'd love to hear your story of struggle and how you found hope when it seemed all hope was lost. #HopeDay
"Hope" is the thing with feathers by Emily Dickinson
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My heart 😫 Love this story every time. God is good 💕
I loved reading your story! Your faith is beautiful. We are praying for you from Bountiful as you pray for your miracle. Sending our love.